Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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