I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
