If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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