ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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