Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
