She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
