They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
