its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
