i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Who died my cat blue again?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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