i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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