I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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