Don't you send me to vm
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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