I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
