operation harelip BJ is a go
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
