Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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