Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
