just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
