please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
