the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
