why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
