he was CRYING into my vagina
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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