So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I believe in your delicious
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
