Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
