That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
