did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
