so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
