no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
In other news, I just burned my penis
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
