i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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