Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
