GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
