Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
