Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
well, you know. whores of a feather.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
