I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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