i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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