i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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