You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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