If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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