We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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