Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
