i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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