I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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