How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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