I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize