Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
