hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
