just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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