do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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