I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
