Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize