her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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