As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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