Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
