this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
