She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
