i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
