Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
