there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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