would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
