the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
