I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize