or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
