i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
