you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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