so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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