The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
