Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
