If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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