the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
