I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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