Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
