You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
