I think I am morally bankrupt
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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