HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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