im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
