You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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