dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
