I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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