i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize