yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
