My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
