You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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