been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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