I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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