Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
