if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
