I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
