Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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