forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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