I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
