Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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