I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
